Friend: Are you better? Patient: Yeah, I’m better. Unfortunately, the friend now thinks everything is fine or back to normal when, in fact, the patient is still working through tough times. The problem arises from a well-accepted definition for “better”: (adj.) partially or fully recovered from illness, injury, or mental stress.
By lumping together two different assessments, that definition creates potential for miscommunications. Imagine patients like the one in the opening who answer “better” because they are better than before. Friends who take “better” to mean “fully recovered” will likely have unrealistic expectations and will not offer needed comfort to someone who is limited and suffering.
Tips for Avoiding “Better” Miscommunications
Answer whatever way works for you. As discussed in prior posts, answer “fine” if you want to in social situations with people who are not part of your life. Otherwise, use clear language that works for you, such as,
I’m better than before but still dealing with….
I’m improving bit by bit.
I’m not well yet, but I’m making progress.
The scenario gets more complicated with caregivers, healthcare providers, and intimate friends and family. Those people need accurate updates to interact in helpful, hopeful ways. They need to to know whether you think you are better, worse, or the same. Avoid “better” miscommunications with these important people in your life by adding a qualifier: For example:
I’m a little better.
I’m better in some ways and not in others.
I’m all better…back to baseline.
In the pursuit of Healthy Survivorship, when relaying how you are doing, qualify “better” if you use it at all.
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